Membership

The Beefburger
Loyalty Accord

Not a program. Not a club. An Accord. Gerald drafted it himself. It took eleven months.

The Currency

Sauce Units

Points are called Sauce Units. All transactions within the Accord are denominated in Sauce Units. Gerald does not round up. He does not round down. He calculates precisely.

"You have earned Sauce Units. Gerald is aware."
  • Every Purchase The baseline. The floor. The non-negotiable.
    1 SU / $1
  • Ordering the Meaty Faced Sauce Burger The Original. Gerald considers this a correct decision.
    +5 SU
  • Visiting on a Tuesday Gerald's Day. No further explanation is given.
    +3 SU
  • Completing the Application with Honest Answers One time only. Gerald will know.
    +10 SU
  • Referring Someone Who Joins The Propagation. Gerald respects it.
    +15 SU

The Structure

The Four Tiers

Four tiers. Named with escalating gravity. No discount percentages. No exclamation points.

Tier 01

The Initiated

0–199 Sauce Units

"You have arrived."

Tier 02

The Committed

200–499 Sauce Units

"Gerald has been informed."

Tier 03

The Consecrated

500–999 Sauce Units

"Something has shifted."

Tier 04 ✦ Pinnacle

The Beefborn

1,000+ Sauce Units

"There is no going back."

The Privileges

Perks by Tier

The Card is issued upon joining. It contains no points balance. It contains no expiration date. It contains one word. That word is sufficient.

Perks are not discounts. They are privileges. They are extended with sincerity and received accordingly.

The Initiated 0–199 SU
  • Priority seating in the third booth from the restrooms. The booth with the USDA letter.
  • Your name is entered into the Register. The Register is not digital. Gerald keeps it in a drawer.
  • Access to the sauce in the standard vessel.
The Committed 200–499 SU
  • A formal acknowledgment from Gerald. Not a thank-you. An acknowledgment.
  • Access to the Thursday menu. Gerald does not explain the Thursday menu.
  • Your name is now known to someone in the kitchen. They will not use it. But they know.
The Consecrated 500–999 SU
  • Access to the sauce in a slightly larger vessel.
  • A private telephone number. It rings twice and then goes silent. This is normal.
  • Your photograph is considered for the wall. Gerald curates the wall personally. Not every photograph makes it.
The Beefborn 1,000+ SU
  • A standing reservation. Not for a specific time. Just a reservation. It exists.
  • Access to the Beefborn menu. There is one item. It changes monthly. Gerald has never described it in writing.
  • Gerald will, upon your next visit, nod at you. You will know what it means.

The Application

Join the Accord

The Accord is not difficult to join. It is simply formal. Gerald believes formality is a sign of respect. Complete the following with accuracy and sincerity.

Application to the Beefburger Loyalty Accord

All fields are reviewed personally. Some answers have moved Gerald. Not many. But some.

As it appears on government-issued documentation. Gerald will verify nothing. But he will know.

For Accord correspondence only. Gerald does not send newsletters. He considers them beneath the relationship.

Gerald keeps a personal atlas. He maintains it by hand.

Your answer is noted. If you select something from the chicken section, your application will still be processed. Gerald will simply be aware.

Three sentences maximum. Gerald reads these. Some have moved him.

Have you ever ordered a burger well-done?

This answer is recorded.

The Accord encountered a difficulty. Gerald is looking into it.

You are already enrolled in the Accord. Gerald has your record. Attempting to join twice does not earn additional Sauce Units. Gerald checked.

Your application has been received.

Gerald will not reply. This is not a slight. It is procedure.

Your Sauce Units have been credited.

Welcome to The Initiated.

Member No. —